Archive for minx

Dateline Minx

Posted in minx with tags , on May 5, 2014 by evilminx

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Someone mentioned the 13th of May to me the other day. An appointment or a meeting — a doctor’s appointment, maybe. The date struck a chord, but with my amnesiac goldfish memory, I couldn’t remember why I was supposed to remember the date.

I knew it was something. Which is almost, but not quite, helpful.

Then, out of the blue, I got a pingback on a post I wrote nearly six years ago. Oh speed! Be still, lest you dizzy me. And it hit me.

May 13th: my bloggerversary.

It’s not as though I still blog or anything, this post notwithstanding. But it was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away and while it would not be entirely true to say I miss it, I do cherish a special form of nostalgia for the days when I poured out my anguished heart in front of all of you.

It always came sometime around a specific local national holiday. The first “Emerging on the Other Side” post was written as a result of a crushing blow to my heart from the man who I then believed was my true love and my soul mate. He wasn’t, obviously. At the time, however, this was not something of which you’d have any joy in trying to convince me. It was only six months later, when i suddenly realised that everything was somehow always all about him, that the scales fell from my eyes and I healed.

This was back in 2005. Nine years down the line and I’ve progressed a lot. The past decade has been a journey of self-exploration and discovery for me, and the truth is that it really did begin with the blog. The events about which I wrote were the catalyst. The blog was my walking stick, my propeller, the magnet which pulled me forward.

I no longer need to blog. The creative outlet that once I craved I now have as part of a daily personal and professional routine; something I couldn’t and wouldn’t have envisaged way back then.

I have met new people — and shared air space with old friends — finally!

I am happier in myself, both personally and professionally.

My sex life is much improved, and I no longer feel the need to explore. I rule nothing out, of course, but I am no longer a slave the the elusive “must-do”. I know who I am, sexually speaking, and while I continue on that particular journey of fun and excitement, it is no longer the driving force in my life, For which I am grateful — there are only so many wild oats that one can actually sow.

They say you can’t go home again. In a way, this blog is a part of my home. I can come back, but really only to visit and say hi.

So hi. It’s been real.

Minx, signing out.

How lucky I am

Posted in minx, thinky, you're the best readers a minx could ask for with tags , , on July 12, 2009 by evilminx

How lucky i am. I need to remind myself more often.

(You can consider this a post in lieu of a bloggerversary post, so I didn’t stick to the exact date and am a couple of months later than I should be, but since i post on avergae once every two months I say suck it up and enjoy the rarifed read, people.)

It occurred to me just now, when I was listening to our entry on the Eurovision this year. We came 15th, but to my eyes, ears and general opinion, it was one of the most beautiful songs ever submitted to Eurovision, both in concept and execution. Noa, or to give her her full title, Achinoam Nini, sings with Mira Awad:  an Israeli and a Palestinian Arab singing together in glorious harmony about how there must be another way to communicate, interact, live, love, be.

Too fucking right.

THe song brought tears to my eyes, and made my heart ache.

And I thought, thank god i can still feel.

I shut out so much of the world, I close it off. There are a limited number of people i can talk to and even then, i cannot be constantly burdening them with my inability to function like a normal human being becaise of the crippling guilt and self-imposed restrictions from which I cannot seem to break free.

But while I can still cry, at least I know I’m still alive and I haven’t given up yet.

Although some days, it’s a close call.

Of course I also like to torment myself, and after watching that Noa song, I then watched this one. And cried even more.

So… yeah.

Posted in former slut, minx with tags , , , , on August 12, 2008 by evilminx

So, here i am, bumbling along in my usual manner, happy as a clam, blonde as a bombshell and minxy as.. well, a Minx.

Life is good. Sorry i can’t paint you the angst-ridden pictures of yore, but hey, shit happens, and that’s the way it is right now. And long may it continue.

In recent news: the bosshole finally got his comeuppance. I didn’t send the letter, much as i wish i’d have had the guts to, but Karma was on my side and i got a new and much more interesting and better paid job, so I resigned and things are looking up.

It’s the Summer, also, and the entire Minx brood are off away for some fun in the sun. Fun, as far as I’m concerned, comprises lying prostrate on a sun bed, slathered in Factor 45, listening to my iPod and ignoring my children. And CH come to that. Just call me “Beached Whale” — it’s a fair comparison.

I love reading my stats, and i’ll be looking forward to seeing who came here between now and my next post. I showed them to CH last week, he was amused to see quite how far-reaching some of them are. From Japan, to Uruguay (I know!), to the good old US of A. And all over the States, too — from California to New York to Florida to Rhode Island to Georgia to Oklahoma… and the list goes on.

Fucking big, the US, innit?

Anyway, this is just a ramble to say that I’m still alive and kicking. When i come back from holiday, i’ll be more prolific in posting. Promise.

Be good, y’all.

Sugasm 139

Posted in fucks, sex blogging, sex blogs, sugasm with tags , , , , , on July 8, 2008 by evilminx

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Hope you all enjoyed Permanent Haze — it was a memory that had long awaited documentation…

Want in Sugasm #140? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Flunking A Call
“I fell silent again and tried to think. What did he want?”

Revision
“He seemed… perfect. ”

Shaving, revisted.
“I don’t do it for society, for anyone who will or will not be seeing it. I do it for me.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
Exploitation, objectification and breaking the law…

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Erotic Writing and Experiences
2nd Blogiversary
Becoming
The Cam Lover pays to fist a 19 year-old Ass
Fiction: Taxicab Confessional
Four: of weeks and wantings
Friend with benefits- properly fucked
Getting to fuck the neighbor 5
Good weekend
Gustav Klimt Nachlass
I love the way you cuddle!
Kung Fu Theater
Monday’s Slut Journal
More bloody married people and doctor/patient roleplay…..
My first visit to Manbar
Night Ride: Trigger’s Bike
Permanent haze
The prize for working
Traction Bound

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Be The Man Other Men Envy, Be PullJoy
Catalina loves Her Latest BILF List
HNT – Venus and Mars
Of Pillow Fights & Panty Showing
The Way To a Man’s Heart – A Play in One Act
What is with all of the Swinging? – Truth or Fiction

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
A Hot Medical Femdom Scene With Mz Berlin, Kayla Paige, and A Dirty Sponge Gag
I Want It! I Want It! I Want It! It’s At Exquisite Restraints Corsets
The Liberator Sex Wedge: Form, Function, Fucktacular. I love it.
New Toy Alert
Not Your Regular Vibe
Sex, Drugs & Baseball
Why inviting bi-girls to brunch is the best
Will You Carry Me Over The Threshold?
Zen And The Art Of Pornographic Madness

Sex & Politics
All Wound Up and No One to Spring On

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Cheerleader is fucked hard donkey style
Happy Fourth of July -HNT
Half-Nekkid on the Road to Hell
InFocus Girls
Pornsaint Madison Young
Property of Lady Evyl
Sandy Summers in red lingerie
Sundaycore
Thank you for the flowers
Tila Tequila Totally Nude

Sex Work
Meet Lew, My CockSucking CumEating StrapOn Slut

BDSM & Fetish
Agony of Ecstasy: the Ruined Orgasm
And marie Moaned
FLOG memories
Get a Load of These Gams!
Impromptu Ravishment Play
Miss Lioness
The Piggiest Pigs at Leather Retreat
Switchy Thoughts on Spiritual Domination
Testing the New Implements


A former slut examined

Posted in former slut, fucks, minx, sex blogging, sugasm, thinky with tags , , , , , , on June 16, 2008 by evilminx

So… I was doin’ some thinkin’. I believe that I’ve mentioned previously the difficulties inherent in adjusting to the new mindset in which i now find myself.

(Sub-question: can one find oneself in a mindset? Answers on something glittery to Minx Central, 3 CommentWhore Avenue, the Blogosphere 696969.)

These are formidable, but not insurmountable. And I’m not moaning about having to deal with them, on the contrary. In my heart, even before all the shit hit the fan, I knew it was time for a change. Would I have rather that said change had come with less stress and angst? Sure, but them’s the breaks. But it needed doing. Faced with a choice of letting one of two people down, i chose instinctively to let down the one who meant oh-so-much less to me — which de facto meant that the other meant oh-so-much to me… something I’d been incapable of seeing for the longest time.

But anyway. Onwards.

I was thinking about why i did what i did over the last few years. Much has been made of infidelity being symptomatic of other things that have soured in a relationship. But if i examine not the infidelity as the central theme, but rather the stuff of which it consisted, I find myself ruminating somewhat philosophically.

I thought about the men with whom i dallied. There were quite a few, in total, but the first couple were serious relationships that encompassed far more than sexual exploration and gratification. Although, hell knows, there was plenty of that too. After those two, i actively chose to keep my emotions out of things, for the most part, since they only fucked everything up. And that’s when the real fun started.

Now i want to be clear — this post is not about justifying my actions. I’m not saying i did right, or wrong. I did what i did, and then when it came to a crashing end, i accepted responsibility for my actions and moved on in the direction that was agreed upon by CH and myself — mutually. He is aware of all that I did, minus the more salient and nitty-gritty details, and he is able to leave it behind us.

That said, I should also point out that for the majority of what i have come to consider to be the third section of my less-than-faithful lifestyle, I was under the impression that CH and I would soon be dissolving our marriage and going our separate ways. The only reason I was not encouraging this to happen sooner was, as documented here among many other places, because one of his parents is/was gravely ill, and i just could not square making him go through a divorce and all the upheaval that would ensue, just because I was unhappy.

Which was my big issue throughout the time i was considering the divorce anyway. That I’d created a situation which was all about ME, and what a selfish cunt i was to be thinking that way, and what about my kids, and why didn’t I just suck it up and get on with things like any normal or decent person would?

It’s not a 100% accurate representation of our situation, i can confidently say now, with the clarity of hindsight. But the illness thing was a convenient reason for slipping back comfortably into the soft warmth of denial, which was so much easier. All the while continuing to experiment on the side.

And i won’t lie to you. Said experimentation was fun. But it also, in way, became a routine. Searching for specific sex-related inspiration, to write another piece of erotica to fulfill my Sugasm or Fleshbot quota.

I mean, if I think about the various men with whom i had relationships, of whatever variety, there were a very small number whom i considered actual lovers, as opposed to fucks. Fucks, in this context, meaning someone with whom i established some kind of written and often spoken relationship, prior to getting horizontal, (or, on occasion, vertical) but was essentially a one-off meet. The one-off-ness of the thing generally being at my instigation. The lovers were actual relationships — some shorter, others longer.

There were about six actual lovers, the longest of which was with the Muse, which lasted a year, and was conducted long distance. With him, and with G also, i was actually in love. After the Muse, i couldn’t do love anymore. I just didn’t have it in me to get knocked down so low again.

Of the other men with whom I’ve associated, there were several with whom i only ever spoke, or chatted, and communicated via keyboard and fingertip — never meeting them face to face. Some of those have remained around as they became true friends to me, and I to them.

As i said, i do not justify whether what I did was right or wrong in this discussion, but you know something? I do believe that there was something in me that needed to be exorcised. I needed to do this, somehow, some way, at some point in my life. My timing is questionable, certainly, but it was a need that my psyche as much as anything else needed to fulfill. Apparently there’s a lot more to the whole “sowing your wild oats” thing than I previously thought.

In assessing the subconscious needs i felt , it occurs to me that as time progressed, a pattern emerged. I never stayed with a lover long, before looking for and finding a new one. I needed the sharp thrill of a new body and a new mind; the various comparisons between men and how differently they function, or spoke, or acted, or smelled, or did, or fucked… I could go on for hours.

I missed out on a great deal of freedom of sexual expression growing up because I was always so self-conscious — about how i looked, who i was, how i acted, and especially what i should or shouldn’t do (the good girl, remember?) as opposed to what i wanted to do. And it wasn’t only with sex that I was repressed. I continually belittled my own talents and abilities, thinking that I was incapable of achieving anything really significant; the words of my parents constantly echoing in my ears “That’s not the sort of thing we do, we just carry on with our normal lives.”

In other words, don’t reach for the stars. There’s no point. You wouldn’t get there, so be satisfied with what you are and what you have.

I missed out on a lot by believing myself unworthy or incapable. And then i began express myself sexually, and the other stuff followed. My writing abilities, for one thing. Whether you like my style or not, i am now more sure than ever that I can put pen to paper (or perhaps more accurately in this case, finger to keyboard) with some measure of success… and now I have started, ain’t nothin’ gonna stop me, either.

So the opportunities presented me within the sexual arena became just too irresistible. And far from being grateful for a touch or a stroke or a fumbled grope as I had been growing up, i was always taking notes in my head. Fodder for more written erotica. Things to remember to try again. Things to remember to avoid like the plague. Confident in myself as a sexy, woman, desirable and hot — not the girl “who nobody would go out with” — a phrase that haunts me to this day from my childhood. And always enjoying myself, and increasing exponentially my sexual self-knowledge and experience.

A former eclectic slut who wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

Still a Bit Wobbly

Posted in minx with tags , , , , on June 10, 2008 by evilminx

Captain Paranoia is a long-time acquaintance of mine. So much so, that you would be forgiven for thinking that he was my friend.

Allow me to correct you. He is NOT my friend. He’s a sneaky, slimy git who attacks me in all my most soft, vulnerable and dare I say it, girlie places, when I’m lower than a snake’s hips anyway. Bastard.

These last four days, he found my various Achilles heels (oh, you just knew that I’d have more than one, and that none of them would be in my feet, didn’t you?) and went after me with the kind of vengeful intensity usually reserved for a US Marine planned attack on a suspected weapons cache in the middle of the desert.

In previous postings, i did not elaborate to any great detail the nature of the harassment i suffered. While i don’t belittle it, i also don’t want to blow it out of all proportion. I’ve been to enough therapy appointments to know that much of the terror was reactive, and a great deal of the tense stress and unpleasantness that I underwent was of my own making — a well-mixed combination of guilt, paranoia and more guilt. I look at a situation like the one (still being?) endured by Rachel, and I am humbled into muted submission.

(And no, I do not mean *that* sort of submission. Ahem.)

So far, i might add, after the first few days when furious threats, and vitriolic sms messages, and menacing phone calls abounded as though they were going out of fashion, there has been silence. At first, naturally, said silence was eerily creepy, and I spent my time being literally sick and nauseous with fear at the prospect of another phone call, or sms or emailed threat; or worse, that any of said threats could have been carried out. Were there an Olympic event for allowing stress levels to soar, i know i would have qualified, and probably even achieved at least a silver medal for that fortnight alone. (Although if prior stressing were taken into account, and by prior i mean the entire span of my life previous to that point, i’d have won on points, no question.)

After said fortnight, i began to breathe again without catching the exhale each time. The tightly-wound knots in my stomach began to ease, and as each day passed, the ease grew. Friends with more than half a clue about this sort of thing (having had similar experiences or vast quantities of knowledge of the area for this or any other reason) helped me calm down, and reassured me that the longer time went by with nothing happening, the better things looked for me. And I believed them — and i still do… but good old Captain Paranoia is still there, lurking with intent, and whispering softly into my ear when it’s cold, and dark and there’s no one else around:

“Yes, but revenge is a dish best served cold, don’t forget. Maybe he’s just waiting for you to feel a false sense of security before he pounces?”

For the most part I manage to quash these pernicious and evil thoughts as the self-destructive and harmful (to my fragile psyche) things that they are. I cannot predict the future, and even if i could, i cannot control it. Worrying about what might be is useless, ineffective and destructive.

This, of course, does not stop me from doing it. I am far too well-conditioned in the ways of the perennial paranoic to be able to actually have my inner psyche listen to my outer horse-sense.

So i put it to you, gentle reader. Can you help me reduce the anxiety at the what-if potential for revenge that this bastard holds over me — Damocles-like — much of it’s hanging power being provided by me?

Your feedback is most appreciated.

Here I am…

Posted in minx with tags on June 5, 2008 by evilminx

The Minxdom has moved, new start, new place — that sort of thing.

Old friends — welcome. New friends — welcome. Everyone is welcome.

Proper post after the weekend — I’m going away for a few days, so make yourselves at home, settle in, rearrange the furniture to your liking and I’ll be back before you know it.

It’s great to be here. And I’m so happy you decided to drop in.

Minxy x