Like bad pizza

I did not have a peaceful night. I tossed and turned from the wee small hours until i had to get up and get going.
This was as a result of worrying about something that keeps repeating on me like bad pizza.
I am talking about my husband, his control-freak manner and how i deal with it — whcih i hardly need add is not well at all.
10 years of being suppressed and controlled and stifled and suffocated might go a long way to explaining why i have such an acute fear of choking. Metaphorically, i have been choking for years.
Recently, over the last few years, the pressure upon me to succumb and say niothing exploded, and i found myself acting out. I do not aportion responsibility for my actions to anyone but myself, but the catalysts and reasons behind them came not from me.
How i react to him has constantly been ineffective. The articulacy that you see from me in my writings, and for the most part, when i speak, has no effect on him. On the contrary, he calls it “your (my) psychobabble bullshit”. Since these are the only tools i have with which to communicate, i can only understand that he sees me as less than a submissive — as simply part of the furniture.
When we agreed to reconcile in May, i truly believed that he was capable of listening to me, and more to the point, hearing me. That we had communication, borne of many years of being together, was the sole reason that i agreed to stay with him.
Events of the past few months would prove me wrong, sad, and deluded once more.
He simply does not listen to me. My voice is of no consequence. Therefore, to him, I am of no consequence. It happens over and over again, and I stay, deluding myself that it is in everyone’s best interests.
I don’t know how to deal with this. Advice welcome, but for the love of gods, make it constructive.

4 Responses to “Like bad pizza”

  1. The good news: Women, it seems, have a vocabulary of, at least, 800 words larger than men.
    The bad news: They seem to use them all, all of the time which leaves guys in the figurative dust.

    You might want to give “Men are from Mars” by John Grey a look. He talks about (in all his books) the difference in the way the two genders communicate. Guys respond to problem solving declarative statements. They are confused by emotion ladened Ophrah-esque similies.

    I’m only suggesting that the =way= you communicate may be the problem. Or I could be flat out wrong, in which case, no harm, no foul.


    Upton, my darling, thank you for your insight. I read Men are from Mars when it came out — some of it made sense, but most of it was, IMHO, non-apologetic rubbish claiming that women needed to simply leave men alone to roar, scratch themselves, and stagger home roaring drunk late at night — and stop trying to “talk” to them — that men are above any attempts to communicate in anyway other than grunt, sniff, point and fart.

    Ahem. Sorry. Present company excepted. You are wonderful in every way.

    The communique went something like this:

    Minx: Please don’t take the sweater to lost-and-found. I know to whom it belongs, and i want to return it myself.
    CH: But why bother? She’ll find it in lost-and-found. You don’t need to do this.
    Minx: Yes, but I want to. It’s no trouble. She’s my friend.

    Oprah would never have scripted that.

    Minxy x

  2. Ok…fair enough, although I’d probably have responded as he did not knowing that it’d drive you up a wall. (It’s a skill I have, yanno)

    Anyway…that was pretty much all I had to offer. I’d have to know you both a whole lot better to even think about suggesting anything else. But, (and there is -ALWAYS- a but) as I said previously, short declaratives are a whole lot better than the emotive ladened language that I occasionally come across from women (other than Felashe, of course, as she is a fully evolved female because she knows I’m right about everything every time.)

    Ok..I know I”m making light of something that for you is hurtful. I don’t have another way of lightening your load.

    Be well, G’bless

    I’m no Omni-potent…unless I use viagra 😉

    Upton Ogood

  3. I don’t have any real constructive advice but have been in the situation of trying and trying.. and trying some more. Eventually it came down to having to live my life for me and not for him – “becoming” me and discarding the fantasy of who he wanted me to be.
    Good luck to you!

  4. Ben Dover Says:

    Get a divorce. It’s that simple. Marriage is so goddam overrated and pointless.

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