Archive for June, 2008

Permanent haze

Posted in former slut, fucks, minx, sex blogging with tags , , , , on June 28, 2008 by evilminx

It happened years ago now, but the memory remains crystal clear in my mind.

The haze was caused as much by the 4 a.m. sodium light that glowed through cream calico curtain, as by the joy that fogged my brain. Joy at the supremely marvelous all-over fucking that had just happened. Or, more correctly, that was still happening, but having a short break for breath, air, water and silent, smiling reflection on both our parts.

We’d been together almost constantly since the previous morning, wrapped up, in and around each other. We’d walked together, hands tightly clasped as if magnetized, shoulders bumping whenever possible. As if we had to reassure ourselves that we were both actually there, together. We’d sat over Italian food, discussing Pink Floyd and other sundry matters. Grinning like maniacs, eyes locked, focused only on each other.

The rest of the universe had faded into muted submission. I’d felt as though I could never be any happier. And in truth, for the longest time, i wasn’t.

We’d been making wild, passionate and utterly perverted love since early that morning. We’d had a brief break while I stepped out for a business meeting for a couple of hours, and he regrouped. (Read: napped peacefully.)

He’d fucked my face, my cunt and my ass, over and over. He’d tasted, licked and sucked nearly every inch of me, alternately caressing my breasts, and pinching my nipples, with the ocassional playful slap for good measure. I’d ridden him cowgirl, and achieved an earth-shaking splashing orgasm of the intensity that happens so rarely, but is remembered eternally.

Now we lay, in an orange-bathed haze, panting quietly and lying contentedly side by side. I closed my eyes for a moment and awoke half an hour later to see his head propped up on his elbowed hand, regarding me intently.

“Can’t you sleep?” i croak, amazed that it is I, and not he, who succumbed.

“I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to miss a moment of being with you.”

I smile wickedly, ever the evil minx, even at 4.30 am.

“Well, if you plan to remain awake, don’t you think that you should, at the very least, be occupied?”

He looks at me, and a slow smile of understanding spreads across his face.

“You want me to clean you, don’t you?”

I blush, the last remaining vestiges of my good-girl exterior getting the better of me. I incline my head to indicate yes, but he won’t let me off that easily.

“You want it? You’ll have to ask for it. Go on.” And he laughs that gorgeous throaty chuckle that captivates me every time.

“Clean me,” I whisper softly.

His voice takes on a sing-song tone, and his eyes mock me gently. “What was that? I didn’t quite catch it…?”

Fully awake now, I rise to the challenge.

“Lick me clean, please. Lick my cunt clean. The cunt you just filled. Clean me.”

And I lie back and surrender myself to the orange glow, that resonates inside the room, and inside my mind, as he does just that.

Sugasm 137 — we’ve come a long way, baby

Posted in former slut, i'm back, sex blogging, sex blogs, sugasm, thinky with tags , , , on June 24, 2008 by evilminx

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants.

It’s been a while since i Sugasmed myself, here or elsewhere — and since it used to be a weekly occurrence in the Other Place, I’ve kinda missed it. But i never expected to be Editor’s Choice or anything my first week back. Hearty and very sincere thanks to the Sugasm Editor…

Want in Sugasm #138? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
I can only be what I am.
“It’s strangely refreshing, to really submit and give up that control, and not have to make decisions.”

Over the Edge
“He tells me to hold still, in that soft, controlling voice of his.”

A Story Told Out of Order and Out of Character – Part 4
“You thought you could just come to my room and tease me?”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
A former slut examined

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Rant in G minor

Posted in former slut, fucks with tags , , , on June 23, 2008 by evilminx

Many of you may be unaware that in order to earn a crust, I work. Not as a professional Minx, chance would be a fine thing. And where I work, the current situation, and the predicted forecast for the foreseeable future, is cloudy to utterly shite, with a strong chance of rain.

In other words, not good. The reason for the sturm and drang overhanging my previously pleasantly disposed workplace can be summed up in one word.

Bosshole.

Yes, I work for a manipulative, egotistical, self-obsessed, obnoxious, lying creep who thinks he is god’s gift to management. No i do NOT fucking well like him, (is it that obvious?) but this is mostly only because HE doesn’t like ME, and has been picking on me ever since he came to work here. Fucking misogynist. And i do not use that term lightly.

(Naturally, and this will not surprise any of you who know anything about the business world, the Powers That Be adore him, because he has no Heart and no Soul.)

This morning, as i sat in a 3-hour compulsory course, he pissed me off. So, appearing for all the world to be taking diligent and copious notes, i wrote him the kind of letter that one day, after far too many tequila slammers, i will hand him a copy of. Probably tattooed on my generously juicy heinie.

“Dear Bosshole,

“Thank you for your passive aggression toward me this morning, which you managed to skillfully combine with implied criticism and a clear sense of quite how much you despise me — all in one jolly little interjection.

“It may interest you to know that I have never had a manager or boss who inspired me less than you do. I’ve rarely, if ever, seen anyone less interested in employee morale, to the furtherment of his or her own career and subsequent Ph.D in Advanced Arslikhan.

“I have my yearly review with you this week, to which I am looking forward in a similar way to the the one with which most people eagerly anticipate root canal treatment. I’m sure you know why — although I am also sure that you strenuously deny all knowledge in front of your own boss, who, happily enough, is visiting us this week from overseas. If i could only convey to her quite how repulsive a person you are, you can bet your slippery-if-hairy li’l old butt i would. However, the tea-dance-like moves required in order to survive in this professional world prevent me from doing so, and I can tell you, it’s enough to make a monkey bite its mother.

“Here, however — and thank the good lord for it, i might add — I can be more free and open. I there fore would like to extend the invitation to you to get down on all fours and royally kiss my minxy ass. Bite me, fucker. Munch away.

Not yours for much longer if the gods are smiling on me —

Minx x

“PS The way you walk is ridiculous. It’s acceptable enough in a three year-old child, to bounce along on the balls of your feet like a demented orangutan, or as though your heels were maimed in some strange way, but for fuck’s sake, man! You’re over fifty!! Get a fucking life and act like a human being for once.”

A former slut examined

Posted in former slut, fucks, minx, sex blogging, sugasm, thinky with tags , , , , , , on June 16, 2008 by evilminx

So… I was doin’ some thinkin’. I believe that I’ve mentioned previously the difficulties inherent in adjusting to the new mindset in which i now find myself.

(Sub-question: can one find oneself in a mindset? Answers on something glittery to Minx Central, 3 CommentWhore Avenue, the Blogosphere 696969.)

These are formidable, but not insurmountable. And I’m not moaning about having to deal with them, on the contrary. In my heart, even before all the shit hit the fan, I knew it was time for a change. Would I have rather that said change had come with less stress and angst? Sure, but them’s the breaks. But it needed doing. Faced with a choice of letting one of two people down, i chose instinctively to let down the one who meant oh-so-much less to me — which de facto meant that the other meant oh-so-much to me… something I’d been incapable of seeing for the longest time.

But anyway. Onwards.

I was thinking about why i did what i did over the last few years. Much has been made of infidelity being symptomatic of other things that have soured in a relationship. But if i examine not the infidelity as the central theme, but rather the stuff of which it consisted, I find myself ruminating somewhat philosophically.

I thought about the men with whom i dallied. There were quite a few, in total, but the first couple were serious relationships that encompassed far more than sexual exploration and gratification. Although, hell knows, there was plenty of that too. After those two, i actively chose to keep my emotions out of things, for the most part, since they only fucked everything up. And that’s when the real fun started.

Now i want to be clear — this post is not about justifying my actions. I’m not saying i did right, or wrong. I did what i did, and then when it came to a crashing end, i accepted responsibility for my actions and moved on in the direction that was agreed upon by CH and myself — mutually. He is aware of all that I did, minus the more salient and nitty-gritty details, and he is able to leave it behind us.

That said, I should also point out that for the majority of what i have come to consider to be the third section of my less-than-faithful lifestyle, I was under the impression that CH and I would soon be dissolving our marriage and going our separate ways. The only reason I was not encouraging this to happen sooner was, as documented here among many other places, because one of his parents is/was gravely ill, and i just could not square making him go through a divorce and all the upheaval that would ensue, just because I was unhappy.

Which was my big issue throughout the time i was considering the divorce anyway. That I’d created a situation which was all about ME, and what a selfish cunt i was to be thinking that way, and what about my kids, and why didn’t I just suck it up and get on with things like any normal or decent person would?

It’s not a 100% accurate representation of our situation, i can confidently say now, with the clarity of hindsight. But the illness thing was a convenient reason for slipping back comfortably into the soft warmth of denial, which was so much easier. All the while continuing to experiment on the side.

And i won’t lie to you. Said experimentation was fun. But it also, in way, became a routine. Searching for specific sex-related inspiration, to write another piece of erotica to fulfill my Sugasm or Fleshbot quota.

I mean, if I think about the various men with whom i had relationships, of whatever variety, there were a very small number whom i considered actual lovers, as opposed to fucks. Fucks, in this context, meaning someone with whom i established some kind of written and often spoken relationship, prior to getting horizontal, (or, on occasion, vertical) but was essentially a one-off meet. The one-off-ness of the thing generally being at my instigation. The lovers were actual relationships — some shorter, others longer.

There were about six actual lovers, the longest of which was with the Muse, which lasted a year, and was conducted long distance. With him, and with G also, i was actually in love. After the Muse, i couldn’t do love anymore. I just didn’t have it in me to get knocked down so low again.

Of the other men with whom I’ve associated, there were several with whom i only ever spoke, or chatted, and communicated via keyboard and fingertip — never meeting them face to face. Some of those have remained around as they became true friends to me, and I to them.

As i said, i do not justify whether what I did was right or wrong in this discussion, but you know something? I do believe that there was something in me that needed to be exorcised. I needed to do this, somehow, some way, at some point in my life. My timing is questionable, certainly, but it was a need that my psyche as much as anything else needed to fulfill. Apparently there’s a lot more to the whole “sowing your wild oats” thing than I previously thought.

In assessing the subconscious needs i felt , it occurs to me that as time progressed, a pattern emerged. I never stayed with a lover long, before looking for and finding a new one. I needed the sharp thrill of a new body and a new mind; the various comparisons between men and how differently they function, or spoke, or acted, or smelled, or did, or fucked… I could go on for hours.

I missed out on a great deal of freedom of sexual expression growing up because I was always so self-conscious — about how i looked, who i was, how i acted, and especially what i should or shouldn’t do (the good girl, remember?) as opposed to what i wanted to do. And it wasn’t only with sex that I was repressed. I continually belittled my own talents and abilities, thinking that I was incapable of achieving anything really significant; the words of my parents constantly echoing in my ears “That’s not the sort of thing we do, we just carry on with our normal lives.”

In other words, don’t reach for the stars. There’s no point. You wouldn’t get there, so be satisfied with what you are and what you have.

I missed out on a lot by believing myself unworthy or incapable. And then i began express myself sexually, and the other stuff followed. My writing abilities, for one thing. Whether you like my style or not, i am now more sure than ever that I can put pen to paper (or perhaps more accurately in this case, finger to keyboard) with some measure of success… and now I have started, ain’t nothin’ gonna stop me, either.

So the opportunities presented me within the sexual arena became just too irresistible. And far from being grateful for a touch or a stroke or a fumbled grope as I had been growing up, i was always taking notes in my head. Fodder for more written erotica. Things to remember to try again. Things to remember to avoid like the plague. Confident in myself as a sexy, woman, desirable and hot — not the girl “who nobody would go out with” — a phrase that haunts me to this day from my childhood. And always enjoying myself, and increasing exponentially my sexual self-knowledge and experience.

A former eclectic slut who wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

Baby steps, and prodding

Posted in minx with tags , , , on June 13, 2008 by evilminx

It’s the complete switch in attitude that i find hard to adjust myself into.

(Yes, i know that there are grammatical flaws in that sentence. Sue me.)

But I try. I am making the effort, and so is CH. It’s not easy — marital sex NEVER held the same sort of excitement and anticipation as perverted eclectic slut-like sex. But i guess that’s derived from the way in which it was performed. The sense of something being forbidden and illicit will always yank up the adrenaline factor.

However, the marital sex is getting better. I found out, and this is after having known CH for 14-odd years and having been married for nearly 12 of them, that he has a foot fetish. Yes, a FOOT fetish.

This called for an immediate booking made for a pedicure and lacquering of my sorely-lacking-in-beauty toe nails. Heh.

So, this morning, CH comes back after dropping the kids at school and whathaveyou, and finds me in a towel. Forgetting his husbandly pounce-on-your-wife duties for a minute, he mumbled something about dropping something at home and running straight out to help his dad with something at his place.

I touched him on the arm, and said, “Do you have to go right now? I mean, don’t you have a spare hour or so?”

He looked at me blankly. I don’t think he slept very well last night (well, it was Hades-like hot here) and he wasn’t 100% focused.

I continued. “I mean, i’m all clean after my shower, and naked under my towel and everything, and the kids aren’t here… but i suppose if you have to go, so off you go.”

And i turned as if to walk into the kitchen when suddenly i feel him rip the towel off me and prod me into the bedroom. Holding the towel in both hands.

I can get used to this, and i will. 🙂

Still a Bit Wobbly

Posted in minx with tags , , , , on June 10, 2008 by evilminx

Captain Paranoia is a long-time acquaintance of mine. So much so, that you would be forgiven for thinking that he was my friend.

Allow me to correct you. He is NOT my friend. He’s a sneaky, slimy git who attacks me in all my most soft, vulnerable and dare I say it, girlie places, when I’m lower than a snake’s hips anyway. Bastard.

These last four days, he found my various Achilles heels (oh, you just knew that I’d have more than one, and that none of them would be in my feet, didn’t you?) and went after me with the kind of vengeful intensity usually reserved for a US Marine planned attack on a suspected weapons cache in the middle of the desert.

In previous postings, i did not elaborate to any great detail the nature of the harassment i suffered. While i don’t belittle it, i also don’t want to blow it out of all proportion. I’ve been to enough therapy appointments to know that much of the terror was reactive, and a great deal of the tense stress and unpleasantness that I underwent was of my own making — a well-mixed combination of guilt, paranoia and more guilt. I look at a situation like the one (still being?) endured by Rachel, and I am humbled into muted submission.

(And no, I do not mean *that* sort of submission. Ahem.)

So far, i might add, after the first few days when furious threats, and vitriolic sms messages, and menacing phone calls abounded as though they were going out of fashion, there has been silence. At first, naturally, said silence was eerily creepy, and I spent my time being literally sick and nauseous with fear at the prospect of another phone call, or sms or emailed threat; or worse, that any of said threats could have been carried out. Were there an Olympic event for allowing stress levels to soar, i know i would have qualified, and probably even achieved at least a silver medal for that fortnight alone. (Although if prior stressing were taken into account, and by prior i mean the entire span of my life previous to that point, i’d have won on points, no question.)

After said fortnight, i began to breathe again without catching the exhale each time. The tightly-wound knots in my stomach began to ease, and as each day passed, the ease grew. Friends with more than half a clue about this sort of thing (having had similar experiences or vast quantities of knowledge of the area for this or any other reason) helped me calm down, and reassured me that the longer time went by with nothing happening, the better things looked for me. And I believed them — and i still do… but good old Captain Paranoia is still there, lurking with intent, and whispering softly into my ear when it’s cold, and dark and there’s no one else around:

“Yes, but revenge is a dish best served cold, don’t forget. Maybe he’s just waiting for you to feel a false sense of security before he pounces?”

For the most part I manage to quash these pernicious and evil thoughts as the self-destructive and harmful (to my fragile psyche) things that they are. I cannot predict the future, and even if i could, i cannot control it. Worrying about what might be is useless, ineffective and destructive.

This, of course, does not stop me from doing it. I am far too well-conditioned in the ways of the perennial paranoic to be able to actually have my inner psyche listen to my outer horse-sense.

So i put it to you, gentle reader. Can you help me reduce the anxiety at the what-if potential for revenge that this bastard holds over me — Damocles-like — much of it’s hanging power being provided by me?

Your feedback is most appreciated.

Here I am…

Posted in minx with tags on June 5, 2008 by evilminx

The Minxdom has moved, new start, new place — that sort of thing.

Old friends — welcome. New friends — welcome. Everyone is welcome.

Proper post after the weekend — I’m going away for a few days, so make yourselves at home, settle in, rearrange the furniture to your liking and I’ll be back before you know it.

It’s great to be here. And I’m so happy you decided to drop in.

Minxy x