Perspective regained

I started this week doing what I love best.

No, not THAT. Bunch of pervs. (Count me in! No.. ahem. Concentrate, Minx. Stop looking at the shiny things.)

I spent Sunday afternoon and evening in a theatre. Backstage, front of house… in the gods.

I was helping out with the kids from the community centre where I volunteer. They do a show each year — a talent show. Sometimes there’s lots of talent, sometimes there’s less. Either way… it’s a hoot. And to be on or backstage is like breathing for me; it always has been. It’s what makes me tick.

I tried once to explain my love for writing, acting, directing, and the performing arts generally to CH. Got nowhere. Not that he didn’t understand — we share two languages, he understood what I was saying perfectly well. It’s just that he’s not always capable of comprehending what I have to say.

It’s in my blood. It’s in my bones. It’s everything to me. The only reason I never went into it professionally was the competitive angle… I don’t have that. I don’t have that hard biting drive to succeed above all else; to beat out anything and anyone and everyone. And I’m fine with that. But this doesn’t reduce the level of dramatic blood flowing through my Minxy veins. And so I do what I can.

As I’ve said, I write comedy. I am also writing a play. Well… I say writing. It’s currently in my head. But I will be writing it. I need time and space to do it, naturally, so I may be posting here a bit less… much as I have been recently. (Bad Minx. Bad. Spank me. Please. Heh.)

Anyway, I spent last weekend with these kids. The community center is in a very… um… less than desirable area, but these kids are incredible. They blow me away. I mean, I was so lucky growing up. I realise that more and more as I grow older. The good fortune I was handed, I did take advantage of; but I never had the slightest inkling of quite how lucky I had it, and quite how good a fortune it was. I am astounded, in fact, at how easy I had it. It didn’t fucking feel easy at the time… which just shows how naive I was.

Then, as I meandered my way through the week, still reeling at how amazingly these kids deal with the crap that their situation throws at them… the bombshell hit.

My daughter — the much vaunted and documented Minxette — has to undergo an operation. It’s not life threatening any more than any other — in that she’ll have to go under general anesthesia. I’ve met the surgeon and I’m convinced that he’s serious, capable and I’m confident in his abilities. I’ve also met a couple of his past operees (is that a word?) who underwent the exact same procedure. I have no doubt that she will be absolutely fine… and there is no question that she needs the surgery.

But it was stressing me out something chronic. I still can’t eat. I’m not sleeping well — although, arguably, I never do, being a terminal insomniac. The thought of that tiny little body on the operating table makes me shake all over. I found that I was holding my breath without realising it, and then when I tried to exhale… I couldn’t do it fully.

With the help and support of good friends, both online and off, I’m breathing better… easier. I’m now at the stage where I’m almost back to normal. Well, as normal as I ever was. And have regained the ability to write here… which is always a help. Thank god for those people… I’m lucky to be loved by those close to me. And I love them all. Dearly.

But it puts things into a very real perspective, doesn’t it? I’d give anything for her not to have to undergo it, but she has to. I had to make that decision, I signed the consent form. But I did the right thing — I’d have been remiss if I didn’t ensure she had it, just to pander to my own fears.

But who ever said life was easy, hey?

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16 Responses to “Perspective regained”

  1. Minerva Says:

    Absolutely…
    The hard path is difficult to take, but seems easier looking back than looking forward..or some such rubbish…

    Thinking of you and minxette…

  2. Miss Syl Says:

    Glad to see your words on screen, Minx, m’dear. Not so glad to hear about your worries about your daughter, though. If it’s any consolation, one of my nephews had to have a surgical procedure before he turned 2, and it all went very smoothly. (It was to put those drainage tubes in his ears because of multiple ear infections.) Everything went well and he was back to normal like *that* (imagine snapping fingers). If you’re confident in the doctor, all will be be fine, I’m certain.

    Still, doesn’t keep us from worrying, anyway, does it? Big hug to you.

    xo,

    Syl.

  3. Desire X Says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your minxette. It is terrifying when we realize that we have no control over these things. that life has taken over and we can do nothing but wring our hands and hope for the best.

    You did what you had to and our thoughts and prayers are with you.

    PS. We all need someone who ‘gets us’. The world is a cold place without that.

  4. babe.. I am glad that you have an outlet for your creative side with helping out with the theater..

    I will pray for your little one.. Much love and hugs to you honey.. I know I wouldnt be able to eat or sleep either..

  5. No Minxy,
    Life is never easy. But you are a great Mom and all will work itself out in time …Yea I know …not to profound but then again neither is life sometime….

  6. Thinking of you and of her…

  7. 40spoet Says:

    sending you happy thoughts and positive vibes for minxette. you have done your homework, and now is the time to let the surgeons do their work. praying that everything turns out for the best! happy weekend.

  8. Blast you, Minx! Your serious postingness makes it impossible for me to leave a snarky comment!

    Dave
    from Maximum Awesome

  9. Miz BoheMia Says:

    Wow my friend… very brave and hard step to take I am sure! When my kids are badly feverish and the like, nothing serious though, I am ready to die from the worry… I cannot imagine the stress you must be feeling! All my love and good wishes to your sweet daughter!

    As for performing… I hear ya! It is still my wildest dream to be on a stage again! *sigh* Some day!

  10. crabcake Says:

    Aw, she’ll be ok, Mom. I’m betting this will be harder for you than for your little one.

    Just focus on bringing her home and cuddling her when it’s over.

    PS. I’ve always loved the theater. I used to go all the time. I even volunteered to be an usher just so I could be there. It’s magical.

  11. Fun Dude Says:

    I am sure she will be OK! Our prayers are with her, and you.

  12. Evil Minx Says:

    Guys, I can’t even find the words to thank you for your warmth. Your comforing words are most welcome, and very much appreciated.

    Forgive me for not answering you all individually this time. I’m just not in the zone right now… i’m sure it will change soon.

    Thank you all.
    Minxy

  13. Madame X Says:

    Hey Minxy!
    I had no idea you were a theater geek!
    I did try the professional route for a wee bit but it was the competitiveness that drove me away.
    I am a Theater Educator now and couldn’t be happier sharing my love of performing with others!

    3 years a go my little one had to under go surgery for bilateral inguial hernia a conditoin she was born with but it did not present itself until she was nearly 7.
    The worst day of my life was when I watched her be sedated followed closely by the best day of my life when I held her in my arms as she awoke.
    As long as you have support you’ll be fine and I am sure she will have the finest care!
    Kisses dear one!

  14. Sabrina Morgan Says:

    Dearest Minx – the way you describe your love of theatre and the arts is downright persuasive. You’ve almost talked me into turning down a night out for an evening end with an Endless Project… Speaking of which, consider yourself spanked hard! The play wants to be written.

    Hope all’s well with the Minxette. My thoughts are with you both.

  15. Ayy, not easy. Came over from Doug’s – very nice guest spot. But most importantly, best of health to your little Minxette and good luck to you in the process. You must remember to breathe and not crumble, that is until she’s under annie stesia. My little boy had to undergo anesthesia three times – once for an MRI, and then two procedures that were not life threatening, but anesthesia, not fun. He came out of it fine and the best part is scooping them up after. You know the feeling as if you’ll never let them go. And you won’t for a day or so. Best of luck and good health to all.

  16. OOoops, I didn’t read down further so I thought my first comment didn’t go through, ah well. Sentiment remains the same.

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