Jigsaw of life

It’s astonishing how often this blog has saved my sanity.

My life is — to put it mildly — complicated. This blog is my sanctuary, my special place. When I’m down, I write here. When I’m happy, I write here. When I’m stressed, I write here.

Sometimes I cannot find my voice, and I cannot post. These days are the worst as I walk around with the weight of the world upon my shoulders. And then something will happen — a comment from a friendly blogpal, or an email… or I’ll read a post by someone else on my blogroll — and that’s all it takes. A shift, two or three small paces to the left; and I’m back in the room.

The comments I receive from you people hearten me. Your support of me as a person. I shouldn’t need validation — in theory, we none of us do. We “write for ourselves”. We “don’t need validation”. How many times have I written or read those words, pertaining to me or to someone else in this close-knit blogging community? Dozens, perhaps hundreds. But the truth is that you help strengthen me by reading. I do not ask you to condone or condemn my life choices. Just read me.

I stand before you today, a Minx exposed. I bare my soul to you. I have been doing so since I started writing here, a little over a year ago. I have made choices in my life that have surprised even me; I’m not an amoral person, and yet I transgress certain moral boundaries that from an external perspective I once found abhorrent. On one level, I am ashamed of my transgression. On another, it fits into my mad, bad, complicated life like everything else. I perceive it as a multi-piece, highly complex jigsaw… but I’m still missing some pieces.

And through writing here, I seem to find these pieces, one at a time. I still have many more to go. Some pieces are being hidden from me deliberately. Some are just out of reach. Of some I am not even yet aware. Eventually, one day, I’ll find them all.

Of course the last one will be hidden under a long-decomposed piece of pasta, under a small toy, behind the big heavy sofa which is a complete pig to move. How appropriate a metaphor is that? Heh.

In my last post, I mentioned certain new blogpals, and certain (*she hesitates to say old… in order not to offend anyone*) longer-established blogpals (whew!). There are many more of each whom I did not mention there, but for whom the same feelings hold true.

And now I’m off to look for jigsaw pieces.

Minxy

Advertisements

24 Responses to “Jigsaw of life”

  1. Dear Minx,
    Most of us in blogging are trying to reconstruct the narrative of our life: sometimes things only become apparent to us in the telling of them. To the extent that a blogger is doing this, he or she will of course need validation or support; but often just the acknowledgement that someone has read is sufficient, the minor comment no matter how brief.
    This is something i have been bad at, commenting, and you remind me why it is important for me to do better.
    Love
    O

  2. hypnodog Says:

    We all help to strenghten and enlighten each other, with each experience we share. There are times when we need to hear another voice from our own…one that can cast objective observations our way. Or simply just a brief comment, which lets you know someone is listening. The act of writing helps us all..to purge and process when times are tough, or share the love when things are looking up! That is what a community is all about, mutual support and shared thought processes.

    We are not here to judge the actions of others, ill informed judgementalism is the curse of blogland. Who is to judge anothers life or actions? We can offer our support, help and advice when called upon , though.

    You have been an invaluable piece im my puzzle minxy and im sure that goes for several others.

  3. you are the fucking shit.. and I love you!

  4. I still don’t get the evil part, but the minx is starting to resolve a little.

    Did you check your wallet? That’s where I usually find my pieces.

  5. Wow! I wish I wrote that…I will continue my posting.

  6. Sapphire Says:

    Ya know, I’ve finally found where all of the real people hang out online. They create blogs and share their real lives. The good. The bad. The insane. Some make me laugh (like Daily Dancer). Some make me think a lot. (like Minerva) But every last one of them makes me realise I’m not alone and I’m certainly a lot more entertaining than I ever imagined.

    *hugs*

  7. AlwaysArousedGirl Says:

    I despair of every finding all the pieces. Won’t stop us from looking tho, right?

    πŸ˜€

  8. Miss Syl Says:

    I can’t imagine there’s anyone in the world who hasn’t had a “how did I get HERE?” moment. I’ve certainly had a few.

    And puzzles, good god…somtimes I wonder if I’m cutting up the already solved parts of the puzzle into new shapes as I’m fitting in the others, making the final piece-together impossible.

    Still, I know in the end whatever image *your* puzzle reveals is going to look lovely.

    Actually, it already does look lovely, even if it’s unfinished. πŸ™‚

  9. Evil Minx Says:

    O: You as a person do so much for me in so many ways that i would never chastise you for not commenting. I know you read here, and often that is enough. However, that said, a comment
    from you is always welcomed and treasured. thank you.

    hypnodog: You have been as invaluable to me as you say i have to you, Hypnodog. What a beautiful comment. Thank you.

    Roxi: I love you too! Now FUCK OFF!! (Folks, I’m not insulting the lovely Roxi, go read her blog, it’s her tagline. I’m being minxily cute. She knows that. :-p)

    Doug: *Rifles through wallet* Nope, i got nothing. Nada. Zip. Bubkes. Oh wait — i just found a 40-piece back and forth email conversation with a good friend. Result!

    Me: You must keep posting. Express yourself however you wish. It’s the inner strength of blogging. And thank you for visiting.

    S: You constantly entertain me, girl, keep it up!

    AAG: No, no, nothing will ever stop us looking. And don’t get disheartened — some pieces seem to turn up in the most unlikely of places. (Behind the glass dildo, perhaps? Heh.)

    The lovely Miss Syl: I loved your metaphor: “cutting up the already solved parts of the puzzle into new shapes…making the final piece-together impossible”. You understand me so well, Syl…! And thank you for your lovely words. As always, you touch my heart.

    *Note: Vincentt: I managed to reject your comment by mistake instead of publishing it. It was a genuine blonde moment…I’m so sorry! Thank you for visiting, please come back soon.

  10. Minerva Says:

    This was beautiful..and I wish I had written it…

    Minerva

  11. crabcake Says:

    Damn, Minx. You’re a good writer!

    I’m pretty sure as soon as we collect all the pieces we drop over dead. Although, I have been in a funk lately so you might not wanna pay any attention to me. LOL!

  12. ArtfulDodger Says:

    Finding the pieces is the process of life, not a destination. We never do find them all. It is a journey of self-discovery that is constantly changing, evolving and morphing into new minutes drawn from a future we cannot see…. or something like that. read that on the back of a cereal box once. πŸ™‚

  13. Deadly Female Says:

    There’s a piece over here in England, just waiting for you to come on over for it – I’ll keep it safe xx

  14. Keep dancing darling.

    Chef

  15. AlwaysArousedGirl Says:

    I just looked behind the glass dildo and what do you know? I found another piece!

    πŸ˜€

  16. 40spoet Says:

    i’m just new to your page, and i have really enjoyed what you write, the way you put thoughts on screen(as to paper, which seems to be a dying art these days). take care and hope you have a good thursday.

  17. Starved Says:

    I love you!

  18. Starved Says:

    I guess you havent gotten it yet..

    hmm..

    how can I tell you without giving it away???

    damn it.. I cant believe the Fuck off didnt give it away..

    * sigh *

  19. Dearest Minx,

    You are not the only one that blogging keeps sane. πŸ™‚ It seems to me that many of us blog because sometimes we have so much going on, it is too difficult to function if we don’t blog to release some of it.

    We love you Minx, I have a piece of your puzzle here…

  20. Minx! I lost all my links and had to scour high and low to find you. Thanks for still being here on the other side…lol

  21. Minx,
    I find it strange that this is the first post I respond to on your site but I was feeling quite similar to you today and in my walk through my blogosphere I found this post. I started my blog to fill in some gaps in my life not clearly understanding how big the gaps were.
    But the feed back I have recieved and the friends I have made have been quiet amazing.
    I would love to link to you from my site, so please consider this my request.
    Spirit

  22. Evil Minx Says:

    Minerva: That was a beautiful comment, and i’m glad you wrote it.

    crabcake: Why thank you my sweet. And i don’t anticipate finding all the pieces for a very long time, if that’s true (funk or no!)

    ArtfulDodger: Ah yes. Cereal box philosophy. It doesn’t get more profound than that. Hee!

    DF: Thanks honey, you know i’ll come and get it too.

    Chef: You bet i will, sexy!

    AAG: See? I told you! πŸ˜€

    40spoet: Glad to have you here, and thank you for such a sweet compliment.

    Starved: I love you too!
    And i think i got it. Let me know if i did.

    Amal: Keep that piece for me until i get my minxy butt over to Canada, yes darling?!

    Vixen: Glad you found me again! And it’s my pleasure. Always here for you.

    Spirit: It’s not the gaps that are frightening per se, it’s just that you have to find a new and different approach to them that you may not have previously anticipated. Keep the faith, it’ll be ok. (And thank you for the linkage!)

  23. Of course I will. It would be my pleasure.

  24. Indeterminacy Says:

    Now I’ve gotten to know you, too. Thanks for stopping by my blog – just now I read your comment at Doug’s.

    I’ve also enjoyed the friendships I’ve found through the blogging, but I could never bring myself to write a personal journal, maybe because I’ve never kept a diary in real life either.

    My blog has been driving me rather crazy, trying to think up stories all the time – which is why I took the month off, and it was indeed relaxing. Except for a few rare inspirations, the writing part has been torture.

    Anyhow, I like what you wrote here – you have a friendly and flowing way of expressing yourself – I will have to come back form time to time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: