The important things..

Tell me, people, what is it that is the most important thing about a significant other?

Is it the way he looks?

Is it the way he looks at you?

Is it the feeling you get when you hear his voice?

Is it the way his hand feels as it rests gently on your shoulder?

Is it that feeling in the pit of your stomach each time you meet?

Is it the fact that he thinks you’re wonderful?

Is it the fact that you can talk to him for hours without noticing the time?

Is it that he can be who he really is with you, with no need for pretence?

Is it the way he makes you laugh?

Is it the way he stops you wanting to cry?

Is it the way he lets out the tiniest but hottest whimper of arousal?

Is it the fact that he thinks you’re beautiful?

Is it that he understands the way you think?

Is it the way he breathes your name as he reaches the point of no return?

Is it how he can be your friend, your lover, your confidante… your soul mate… all at once?

Yes… I guess it is…

All of the above.

* * *

Note for posterity: Since I am female and straight, I write all about ‘he’. However, please feel free to answer regardless of your own gender or the gender(s) with whom you prefer to consort.

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15 Responses to “The important things..”

  1. Is it that he can be who he really is with you, with no need for pretence?

    Of all of these important things..this is the most important. And this is true for both parties, whoever they may be, unless you can truly be yourself with your partner, true intimacy is not possible. But ool laa laa, when you find this person!

    Love and kisses
    nina

  2. It is really “all of the above,” but especially the “all at once” dimension.

    Acceptance is priceless.

  3. ArtfulDodger Says:

    all of those certainly, but don’t they all really stem from one thing… love? not the sappy, puppy kind, but a truly deeper kind of love, the acceptance, the understanding, the caring, the patience of love or loving?

  4. Nina: You know, i think that one’s a biggie also. And oo la la indeed!

    Holiday: “All at once”… yes, very much so. ANd my Muse will confirm how much acceptance is important to the Minx.

    ArtfulDodger:“a truly deeper kind of love, the acceptance, the understanding, the caring, the patience of love or loving” A very good point. I think you’re right.

    Maybe that’s why it’s the hardest thing to admit.

    Minxy xxx

  5. Hmmmm…Being alive would be a start in my book and I guess being with me would be second…*grin*

    Minerva

  6. I agree with all the previous commentators, most especially and unsurprisingly the lovely and incisive Nina, but I think I would add one more–although perhaps it is merely a gloss on what has already been said:

    It’s not only that you can ‘be yourself’ with this person without pretence, and that the other can also be ‘real’ when with you.

    Rather, it is that each of you is also somehow your best selves. That is, you become a better person for the beloved; your lover calls out of you or brings forth your best qualities. You become a better person not for the other but because of the other…and you do the same thing, for the one you love, by loving.

    It’s not that you fall in love with the way the other sees you or treats you, because this would only be a form of self-love or narcissism; instead it is that you recognise your own best self in their eyes, and then wish to be worthy of it, and your lover.

    And so you uncover or discover capacities and abilites you may not have attributed to yourself before, or believed to be true of you, and you then live differently, you exist differently, as a result of this. This is the truly enduring and transformative power of love, in my opinion, and it is what remains with us even if the relationship should end. We remain nonetheless enriched by loving and having been loved truly, and seeing and being for a moment what each of us could, and should, be.

  7. You said it O, so right. Yes, it is ‘all of the above’, which defines being a soul mate for me, and the amazing power of transformation that brings up the best in us. Passionately being in love releases so much energy, so much desire to indeed be yourself … intimacy then comes natural. This energy also makes us do amazingly beautiful things to the people around us …
    Hugs – A

  8. the bare frame Says:

    all that minx, and 10,000 things more…

    oh, and hey — *waves* — thanks and kisses for your visit and kind comment… “special?” you’ve surely made me feel so…

    xo

  9. Deadly Female Says:

    For me – making the ordinary extraordinary xx

  10. Demon Queen Says:

    It’s the way he makes me feel like he minds me. Of course I know that I only get control because he relinquishes it, but THAT is what makes me happy and he likes to make me happy. Of course he’s bad sometimes, so I must flog his ass, but really, he wants his ass flogged 😉

  11. It is all of those things and more.

    It is the way he looks at you. Like he can’t get enough.

    It is the way he respects your intellectual pursuits and your obsession with not so intellectual fashion.

    It is in effect, the acceptance of the whole without the need to alter.

  12. BeckoningChasm Says:

    [In gender preference, please read “she” for “he.” Or read whatever you like into the raw posting. Either way, everyone wins, yes? Large fries at McDonalds for all.]

    Tell me, people, what is it that is the most important thing about a significant other?

    Is it the way he looks?
    No, never.

    Is it the way he looks at you?
    Again, never.

    Is it the feeling you get when you hear his voice?
    At times. Actually, at many times.

    Is it the way his hand feels as it rests gently on your shoulder?
    Again, at times. There is always a missing pressure, though. Is it my shoulder, or is it some other fulfillment, some meeting of ideal cells somewhere and I just happen to fill certain requirements, hidden elsewhere? Who knows, just enjoy it…and pay no attention to that sliver of doubt. If you can.

    Is it that feeling in the pit of your stomach each time you meet?
    Yes. But many other things also bring this sensation, so it is pretty frequently discounted. (Too many pizza rolls, eg.)

    Is it the fact that he thinks you’re wonderful?
    Laughs indulgently. What another thinks of me doesn’t change who I am. Someone who thinks I’m wonderful will probably want my credit card number. This is the internet age after all.

    Is it the fact that you can talk to him for hours without noticing the time?
    Most definitely.

    Is it that he can be who he really is with you, with no need for pretence?
    Yes. Provided I can detect no pretence.

    Is it the way he makes you laugh?
    Yes. Though making me THINK is ten times better.

    Is it the way he stops you wanting to cry?
    No one seems to have that kind of power over me. Good question though.

    Is it the way he lets out the tiniest but hottest whimper of arousal?
    Well, it’s always a good sign, that, but sometimes the brass band is pretty nice too. See: Fragile ego.

    Is it the fact that he thinks you’re beautiful?
    No. One has to believe in that possibility, and no fawning can destroy old barriers. Anyone who would say that she thinks such a thing would be immediately suspect.

    Is it that he understands the way you think?
    Greatest possible outcome.

    Is it the way he breathes your name as he reaches the point of no return?
    Have never experienced this, so must leave this “unknown.”

    Is it how he can be your friend, your lover, your confidante… your soul mate… all at once?
    Most definitely. This is better than anything physical.

  13. Buzz Kill!

    I don’t think such a person exists!

    But that just cynical ole me!

    It is lovely to think about though.

  14. Yes, it is all of the above, but for me, it’s a she. And she is all of that and more.

    I love my DF.

  15. FilthyRottenAngel Says:

    Minx, okay, your questions made my skin crawl and my eyes well up.
    “is it the way he breathes your name when he reaches the point of no return?”
    I have a gangly and fumbling name, but hells yes, when he says it and his voice breaks and he seems whole and intangible all at the same time, yes. yes. yes. it’s that. And those eyes raised to mine filled with…what? hunger? desire? something fierce and throat clenching and goddamnit…MINE!

    and it’s the fact that I tremble for him. when he’s not paying attention, when he’s walking with me, when he’s laughing, when he’s turning towards me, when he gets that impish and mischievious light in his eyes.

    But more than that.
    When we are apart
    and all it’s all I can do not to run for him when I see him again. And the fact that right now… right now my hands are trembling and I would give almost anything for a single dose of him.

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