Part of my reconciliation with CH has been that I have had to commit myself to spending more quality time with him.
OK, fair enough, I hear you murmur. That makes sense.
Well, yuh-huh. It does. But don’t come running to me moaning when no new posts appear here.
Anyway, things are ticking along kind of nicely, on a day-to-day basis.
Still can’t feel any desire for him though.
I mean, we’ve had the sex. That ice was broken. (Not my original *ice*, that happened years ago, as I believe I detailed for you here. But I digress.) And it wasn’t as bad as it was that time a few months ago when the penny finally dropped on him that I was serious.
But as I told him, it will take time. Time that I’m more than willing to invest. I do want to fall in love with him all over again, because the other stuff is so encouraging. And I’m not setting specific time limits, although a year or so down the line I’ll be able to make a decision based on more than thoughts and speculations.
You see, the thing that really makes me feel that this is worthwhile is the fact that suddenly we seem to be a couple — and when the young minxette and her brother are thrown into the mix, a family. This, after years of futile attempts at convincing myself that it was the case, when it clearly wasn’t but I was so deep in denial that to find me you had to excavate archeological style, with head lamp and small soft brush.
For example, it’s the Jewish New Year. Celebrations, food, family, food, more family, more food. And a lot of together time. A lot.
And for the first time in years, I’m really enjoying myself. For the first time ever I hosted the first night dinner – for us and all of CH’s bizarre and highly dysfunctional family, who I am fond of in a kind of “I’d put you all in a special people zoo if I ruled the earth” way. Apples, honey, pomegranates, weird and wonderful new fruits, full 3-course meal: the works. And the really weird thing is that after years of feeling delighted that I didn’t have to slave all day cooking, ruining my hair from the kitchen heat and my already-too-short fingernails from constant washing-up, I loved every moment of the preparation and the evening itself. Not least of which because I was with a man who loved and cared for me, the father of my kids.
Pretty darn amazing, huh?
Emerging on the Other Side... once more. 