The Velvet Vulva

My post today was going to be about the horrors of internet dating, but the friend whose story i was retelling had a change of heart. So I will present some horrors of internet shopping.

That’s a random lesbian pulp fiction graphic, only vaguely connected with fashion, but I know my Minx loves the pulp.

I can’t decide whether these things are really cool, or really gross: Velvet Vulvas. This chick makes these giant velvet vulvas as purses. This could be a cool reference to the fact that apparently the word pussy once meant purse, but I don’t know about that. The maker also says that these things are embued with positive female energy and give it off in a healing way. That beats what most of the artifical vulvas I know of are ’embued with’. Let’s just say it usually has to do beating, and with men who lack the company of women, and is alleged to be 90 calories a tablespoon. So we used to say at my old Catholic HS for girls, anyway, also known as Our Lady of the Demi-Virgin.
She also informs us helpfully and without even a hint of irony that what we choose to put in our Velvet Vulvas has great magical or emotional significance, to which I reply, Only sometimes, honey. She cautions that such objects need to be appropriately sized, and to that I say, Amen, sister.

The purses are really funny–here’s one: And here’s another where the maker assures us that, while the body is vinyl (!) , for better wear (!), the rest is not. Thanks, I think.

Touchingly, one may also get a Velvet Vulva Valentine, or even a Velvet Vulva in a frame. Happy shopping! The Evil Lynxxx blesses you, and asks you to consider carefully which objects you’ll place in your velvet vulva. Remember, objects may be smaller than they appear.

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15 Responses to “The Velvet Vulva”

  1. The Corporal Says:

    I read the whole thing LingLing, I really did. But, all I can think about is VULVA.

    Damn YOU!

    vulva. VELVET vulva.

  2. Hmmmmmmmmm. Vulva.

  3. LingLing Says:

    Hello boys, you know you love it!

    *kisses* PooSaay!

  4. Crazy Like A Fox Says:

    What kills me is the shot of the woman’s hand gently opening up the vulva for all to peer into it’s depths. And who in the hell is going to carry something like that around as their everyday purse? Oh wait, a few names have popped into my head.

  5. Wendy the Cavewyfe Says:

    Help. I’ve lost my vulva and someone has listed it on eBay!

    Just felt like saying that.

  6. Who doesn’t love a vulva???

  7. YOUSUCKWANG! Says:

    YOU ARE A WHORE! GO TO HELL! F**K YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

    I HATE YOU! EVERYTHING ON THIS BLOG SUCKS!

    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    MY BLOG IS SO MUCH BETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

    FOOLISH NONSENSE!

    ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

  8. LingLing Says:

    But how do you really feel, WangSucker? I couldn’t tell.

  9. Evil Minx Says:

    Lingsky, you are the most vulvacious lynx ever…

  10. Minerva Says:

    *can’t stop laughing at wyfe’s comment*

    *giggling*

    Minerva

  11. captain_howdy_girl Says:

    I L-O-V-E plup fiction art, nice blog you whore… just kidding! 😉 About the whore part, not the nice blog part.

  12. LingLing Says:

    Veggie babe, you can’t fool me….I know you’re really joking about the blog part!!! its cool, I know…Im a cyberslapper!

  13. The Corporal Says:

    cyberslapper/bitchslapper…

    A well rounded girl…

  14. Hmmm….have I missed it or have you spilled the details yet of your reunion with your lover?? I’m behind on my reading, so perhaps I overlooked it…

  15. Evil Minx Says:

    Cyberslapper… bitchslapper… that’s my Lingalulu for you.

    No, i have not yet finished writing the epic post i plan to display that will describe recent events as far as me and G, my wonderful love, go. But hang in there, it will hapen…

    i can guarantee, however, that it will entertain, amuse and probably shock you. Well, maybe not certain members of the thing of minx, being fairly unshockable.

    My reasons for being so lax? Twofold:
    1. I’m seeing him again today. I’ll write about the whole story.

    2. I’m on holiday, dammit…!

    What I can tell you now is that in accordance with my Minxolosophy, I am still in control of my life.

    And the rest you’ll have to wait for. Sorry!

    Minxxxxxxxxxxx

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