How lucky I am

How lucky i am. I need to remind myself more often.

(You can consider this a post in lieu of a bloggerversary post, so I didn’t stick to the exact date and am a couple of months later than I should be, but since i post on avergae once every two months I say suck it up and enjoy the rarifed read, people.)

It occurred to me just now, when I was listening to our entry on the Eurovision this year. We came 15th, but to my eyes, ears and general opinion, it was one of the most beautiful songs ever submitted to Eurovision, both in concept and execution. Noa, or to give her her full title, Achinoam Nini, sings with Mira Awad:  an Israeli and a Palestinian Arab singing together in glorious harmony about how there must be another way to communicate, interact, live, love, be.

Too fucking right.

THe song brought tears to my eyes, and made my heart ache.

And I thought, thank god i can still feel.

I shut out so much of the world, I close it off. There are a limited number of people i can talk to and even then, i cannot be constantly burdening them with my inability to function like a normal human being becaise of the crippling guilt and self-imposed restrictions from which I cannot seem to break free.

But while I can still cry, at least I know I’m still alive and I haven’t given up yet.

Although some days, it’s a close call.

Of course I also like to torment myself, and after watching that Noa song, I then watched this one. And cried even more.

5 Responses to “How lucky I am”

  1. Glad to see you here again. It’s been a long time.

    Sent you a birthday email a while back…no response.

    I hope you are healing. You are very brave.

  2. I miss you.
    We need to keep in touch.

    kisses

  3. “I shut out so much of the world, I close it off. There are a limited number of people i can talk to and even then, i cannot be constantly burdening them with my inability to function like a normal human being becaise of the crippling guilt and self-imposed restrictions from which I cannot seem to break free.”

    ————
    Did you ever think that maybe your friends aren’t burdened by you? Perhaps they need you just as badly. I’m learning this as I “grow” into my teacher role. I NEED to help those in my life and I am constantly YELLING at them that they cannot possibly know what I’m thinking when they tell me I MUST consider them a burden! Shut the fuck up and don’t tell me what I think – LOL!

    Come find me if you’d like – I LOVE burdens :-)

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