I write to you upon returning — triumphant — from the dentist.
I only have to have one filling, which is a refilling of the filled tooth that broke this weekend.
Because, you know, my life doesn’t suck enough.
Anyway, the nice new dentist — after enduring a sobbing Minx exclaim pitifully how utterly crap she is, and how, even at the age of 37, she becomes increasingly fraught with nerves and stress at the mere mention of the dentist, and could he please ensure that he’s extra-specially nice to her because she is, in fact, a big old baby — checked all her teeth and assured her that there were no other “catastrophes”, as he put it.
Then he explained how she might like to consider using nitrous oxide as a relaxant when he performs said filling.
The words “oh god yes yes yes please please PLEASE” sprang to my lips, but i contained myself and said “Yes, i was rather hoping you’d suggest that. No one ever has before, and i think it would have removed many of my dentist-related anxieties if someone once had done exactly that.”
He then went on to explain what it means to use nitrous oxide, and how it is administered and how I was likely to feel under its influence.
“You’ll feel a numbness in your arms and legs, and you’ll feel as though you’re floating. The pain will be greatly lessened, but if you do feel any, you won’t care.”
I replied that so far, he’d said nothing which either frightened or didn’t delight me. Heh.
And then he said something that nearly caused me to spit out the cotton wad inserted between my gum and broken tooth.
“You should know that in the rare cases of some women, it can cause a loss of sexual inhibition.”
I looked him straight in the eye.
“But, Doctor, i don’t have that many inhibitions to begin with. Is that a good or a bad thing?”
Poor man. He blushed furiously, and refused to meet my gaze.
“If you are an extrovert, and are generally less uptight and inhibited, the gas is likely to have less of such an effect in that way. In any case, if you start becoming…. (here he coughed, ostentatiously) amorous, the nurse will help settle you down.”
Then he looked at me and grinned.
“But, like i said, It’s very rare.”
So come January, one of us may be in for a shock…!
Anyway, gentle reader, stay tuned. I’m embarked on a new piece of fiction which will be up shortly. Avanti!